It is so difficult to understand, so difficult to accept,
he is there, his body is there,
sitting in front of me, looking so familiar.
Old memories are clinching to his bodily facade.
But it’s not him anymore. My dad is not there anymore.
He has gone. But the last spark, the last spark of his soul is still inside of this shell.
Communicating to me like a little child, a little child which is desperately in search for salvation.
And I wanna fulfill his wish so badly, I want to show the little child that it’s safe with me.
Converting myself from a daughter into a soldier, with the only aim to cure his unbearable pain.
I am longing for nothing more than to release him, and while loosing myself in the battle, I don’t even realize my own pain.
My own pain of not having a dad anymore. Because as a soldier in a battle, you don’t have time to reflect, you don’t have time to show weakness in order to survive.
The dilemma of Alzheimer.
