What keeps you from changing?
The delicate difference between not wanting and avoiding something.
The amount of growth in our life depends on how ready we are to move out of familiar territory. This is nothing new. One thing that I think is under-considered, however, it is not insignificant in which direction we are growing, but it is important to know in which direction we really want to grow.
So if we feel like we’re stuck, if we feel unsatisfied, it may be that we have to change something in our lives. But it may also be that we do not have to change anything and only our expectation that something should be different is the root for our discomfort. The line between those two scenarios is very delicate and can easily be confused. Consequently, when a feeling of not living properly, of being too uncommitted or of not yet being right we should always take our time to ask ourselves this question:
Do I avoid changing something for a reason that is now invisible to me or do I really not want to change in this particular area of my life?
The case of not wanting
Sometimes we stick to ideas of who we should be based on who others are.
This leads to dissatisfaction with our own state, even if deep down we may not strive for the other state at all. It is simply because of the definition of something which is bound to certain characteristics held for valid by society and thus by you. In such a case it is very obvious why it is more difficult for you to achieve what the other one has:
because you simply do not do it from the bottom of your heart.
With the realization that what we are striving for due to social training is not what makes us happy, the pressure can be released and suddenly we are at peace with not being what we do not want to be. The pressure drops. However, there is still work to be done. Because after we have realized this, we probably have to withstand thousands of voices which will try to convince us otherwise if you no longer move in line with the matrix. In fact, some will be unable to understand certain decisions, which can cause paths to seperate. The pain of letting go is part of the way and the payment is freedom and a life that really brings you joy, with people who are happy for your joy.
The case of avoiding
However, if the second scenario comes up, it is actually much more about the fact that you really want a different life, but something prevents you from doing so. Accordingly, due to wrong beliefs, not only can we strive for what we don’t want, it also keeps us from doing something that we would really like to do. We avoid doing something simply because we are afraid of failure, being hurt, not good enough or doing something wrong. All based on fear.
Here we have to make ourselves clear again and again, there will be no tingling in the body unless we do this bungy jump.
And when we strive for the tingling sensations in our body, we shouldn’t necessarily wait until we are old. Of course, we shouldn’t jump randomly from every bridge that comes our way, otherwise we won’t have enough capacity for those who really appeal to us. But we shouldn’t miss a single one that makes us the person we want to be.
The question of avoidance or unwillingness can be applied to every smallest area of life:
Our bodies — do we really want to be fit and healthy or is the chocolate cake much more important to us and we’re just struggling because of the social pressure? Or maybe we really want to change but because of our negative attitude towards ourselves, we are immovable.
Our sex life — are we heterosexual because people would look at us from an angle if we tried something new? Or are we really fine with not trying something else?
Wealth — Do we really want three cars or is it just our Ego which strives to keep up with our neightbours? Maybe deep down we don’t even like driving.
Or maybe we really want to have three cars but we think that we can’t achieve it and therefore do not work towards it.
The list can be continued indefinitely.