Up in the highlands of the canyons lived a group of the so-called Chiricahua. The Chiricahua was an Apache tribe which was mainly located in northwestern Mexico and southwestern USA since the 14th century. At that time, it was one of the wealthiest group of the Apaches in that area. They owed their wealth to their smart leader, their Nantan, who was constantly working to hunt and harvest more efficiently, and was keen to ensure that his followers were doing well. Hahkota was the leader’s wife. She was a real beauty, very generous and intelligent at the same time. However, there was one thing the beautiful wife of Nantan suffered from. Ever since she was little, she has had a lot of desires. This is also why her parents gave her the name Hahkota, which means grasshopper. Uncoordinated she jumped from one wish to another and it seemed as if the slightest breeze made her hop in a completely different direction. The constant search made her emotionally fragile and very unhappy.
However, she had been very lucky as the good-natured and generous Nantan had fallen madly in love with her. He unremittingly tried to satisfy every single desire she had. Hahkota owned the most beautiful teepee that ever existed, it was littered with fresh flowers every day and the entrance was painted with the highest quality of gold. Her clothes were made from the leather of the best hunting exploits and her neck was adorned with precious stones. If she wanted to be a singer, her husband ordered the best singing teacher that could be find, and if she wanted to be a painter, he had a gifted artist come to see her. But even if she had the best teachers far and wide, she seemed to become dissatisfied after a short time.
Natan suffered from his wife’s dissatisfaction and when he realized after a while that satisfying her desires did not lead to her happiness, he went to the medicine man to tell him about his problem. The old wise man with his long white beard nodded understandingly.
Let her come to me! When the moon is high up in the sky and the star blanket warms our sphere, I wait for her next to the big stone on the edge of our camp.
Hahkota wasn’t sure what to think about the meeting. But she also loved her husband and she didn’t want to be the cause of his suffering. So when the moon was high in the sky she went to the big stone on the edge of her camp. The old medicine man was already sitting there cross-legged, looking at the stars. When he noticed the young woman, he knocked gently on the ground next to him, which made Hahkota understand that he should also sit down.
After placing herself, the old man said:
Ask them!
She didn’t understand. Who should she ask? And what? The medicine man seemed to notice her confusion and continued:
Dear child, you are very intelligent. But you are confused with all your desires. So talk to them now, ask them anything you ever wanted to ask them. Everything that goes through your head, ask it here, who else could answer it better than nature itself.
Hahkota, who had never spoken to the medicine man before, found his words strange. But what else was there for her to try? So she closed her eyes and concentrated. She focused on all of her feelings related to her desires, all her thoughts and then started to speak:
Dear desire, I know we have always had a very passionate relationship and you know I’m addicted to you. Your existence makes my life exciting, your existence drives me, your existence makes me overcome the natural sluggishness of humanity. It is you, you give me a path, you give me vitality and growth. But recently I feel like our relationship became mad.
I don’t know what to think about you anymore. Are you good or are you bad? Are you mine or are you not mine? I am too fascinated by you to let go, but please tell me, tell me how can I deal with you without suffering so much.
After she finished her words it was quiet. It seemed that time had stopped and the world was listening quietly. Speaking her thoughts made Hahkota feel a gentle bliss and she closed her eyes to listen to the surrounding silence. She didn’t know how many moon vibrations she was sitting there, but after a while a gentle wind came up and stroked her skin, her hair. In the middle of the silence, covered with the steady sound of the wind, she could notice a low voice, but it was so gentle that she couldn’t understand the content properly. Without opening her eyes, she tried to increase her concentration. Now the voice became clearer. There was no telling what gender it was, it didn’t matter. The voice was so soft and delicate that it warmed her heart:
Dear earth child, I know you are addicted to me. And I enjoy it, I enjoy to bring you pleasure, to make you feel alive. You need me. The only thing you can decide is, if our relationship should be healthy or not. If I should give you
extase or madness. Madness I will serve you, if you don’t dare to understand yourself. If you don’t know yourself, I will always just be based on things you see in the outer world. I will pop up as a creation of your ego, which I find very stupid. You humans are strange sometimes. If your neighbor owns something, you want the same, or you want the same but in better. And without even realizing it, you are striving for something that was created on the basis of an external stimulus. It is a blind request, without even imagining whether this goal would satisfy you. If I am just generated through the ego, the pleasure will be very short lived, which is a shame as I would rather love to give you excacy.
Also — you should never try to eliminate me completely from your life, you won’t get rid of me. Because if you don’t want to have a desire, you have the desire not to allow the desire. That is a desire itself.
Hahkota was confused by these words, even when they somehow seemed to make sense. What was the right way then? How could she get excacy out of desire? What was healthy and what was not? The wind was getting much stronger now and she had to make an effort not to be distracted by the sound of the air gusts.
To begin with, ask yourself what your desires are based, ask yourself what it is what you are seeking? In what you want to grow? And if you think you found something like that then really think through it. Imagine how it would make you feel. Would it make you feel exited? Would you feel peace? Bliss? Then go for it.
If you ask me, I cannot imagine that I can really give ecstasy to people when I am material. But sometimes even people are a mystery to me. So if it is really important to you to have a lot of money and you have dealt with yourself and you know that this is your own wish, then try to achieve it.
But don’t do anything in your life that you don’t like, just to make more money in it than in the job that would give you pleasure. It would be stupid to work to live in a life you don’t like.
It would be much smarter to take a risk and live with joy, even if it would make your life shorter. It is also not out of the question that you could be very happy and successful with it. Who would be so blind and not even try?
It seemed as if Hahkota understood more and more what the unknown voice was trying to explain. She relaxed her delicate body and let the wind completely surround her. The unknown voice appeared one last time:
I have to admit something. It is a little more difficult than previously described. Even if you have dealt with yourself and follow your own wish, I cannot put you into extase permanently. I am mainly there to bring you surprises on the way to your peak so that you can deal with unusual situations and grow. For example, if your heart’s desire is to paint a great painting, don’t believe the result will be the satisfaction. Because when the painting is completed, you are again faced with nothing, you have to start all over again. After completion, there is a new beginning. Up and down, all the time. The secret is, when I am really YOUR desire, that you will be delighted by the whole journey. And that is it! That is when you have understood my true nature. I am not a thrilling output, I am a thrilling journey.
When Hahkota opened her eyes, the sun gently kissed her face with its warm beams. The medicine man stood right next to her and looked at her closely.
Then he smiled contentedly, patted her on the head and said:
What are you waiting for? Now go and explore — you did understand, you are healed.
